Couples Counseling

If you try to build a house without blueprints…

… you can do it. And if you and your partner(s) have some skill, you might even have straight walls and square corners.

But at some point, if you let the day-to-day business of house-building occupy your time without a plan, you will lose interest and start mailing in your efforts. For most people, that occurs shortly after three days’ worth of work laying pipes leaves your sewage line a perfect 18 inches off course from the toilet, which is now bolted onto concrete and damn near impossible to move.

This is a tortured metaphor; but by the time I see couples, it’s the mildest torture they’ve experienced.

By the time both parties agree to talk – and especially by the time both parties agree to talk to a MEN’S SPECIALIST – there’s blood in the water.

The signs and symptoms of end-stage marriage conflict…

Sometimes we grow apart.

Sometimes we make errors from which we simply can’t recover.

Sometimes, in the deafening silence of the bedroom, we can feel so lonely and unattractive that we know we cannot move forward with our lives until we can somehow breathe air from a different planet.

But it doesn’t HAVE to be the end of your marriage.

Maybe it’s just your entire body announcing that you cannot keep living LIKE THIS!

There’s a difference.

Because if you’re angry or broken or disgusted enough to fight all of the years of marriage inertia and leave the relationship, then maybe you’re finally motivated to do something differently – something that isn’t so final or destructive.

Maybe you’ve finally had enough misery to change the marriage while you’re actually in it.

This is where I can help.

I am not the guy who teaches you your “love languages” or why the opposite sex can’t possibly understand you.

And couples who just want a “tune up” of their communications skills or their ability to empathize with each other… or to adjust to changes in the economy or their home life… are better served elsewhere.

I’m not saying that my batting average is necessarily that much better than “the other guys,” but this is what I want you to know:

I work with couples especially well when they feel as though other interventions simply haven’t helped them to be heard.

The tools I use are not exotic.

I am a cognitive therapist who practices and teaches mindfulness. We’ll clarify what thoughts are keeping you from growing and developing, and you’ll learn ways to work with your partner so that you can both break free.

Repeating the same talking points doesn’t help you grow more insightful just because a counselor is there to hear them. So, if the two of you are just broadcasting your resentments instead of learning from them, I’ll help you see that.

We can get into what that’s all about if we need to, but mostly my work with couples involves getting everyone to calm the hell down long enough to remember what it was like to look forward to hearing what your partner has to say.

Let’s see what is still there…

Life is entirely too short to make ourselves learn the same basic lessons over and over again with different people.

I truly believe that you can grow stronger by living and working through these difficult times together.

If nothing else, you’ll know you have been heard. Give me a call: (210) 920-1572